Absence

So they say that cold is the absence of heat.
Dark is the absence of light.
Silence is the absence of sound.
But sadness.
Oh,
                 but,
                                                                      sadness.

Sadness can be simply put as the absence of happiness.
Simply put.
Too simply put.

There is hope in my sadness.

There is joy in my sadness.

Even sadness can be in happiness.

Sure, there is pain.
Sure, there is darkness.
Sure, there is ice.

Frustration. Impatience. Struggle.

But in there...

In there is heat.
In there, is light.
In there, is wonder.

I think that might be it.

Wonder
and
wondering
and
wonderful.

Sadness expands.
Caution is necessary.
Being overwhelmed is dangerous.
Being crushed is fatal.
But sadness expands.

Pushes.
                              Cracks.
            Unhinges.
                                            My innermost self beyond its capacity.

Loss. Helplessness. Rejection.
Wonder at these sorrows.
Wonder at my grief.
Wonder at the tossing unbalanced scale.
Wonder at tears.
                          My body's reaction.

The echoes of my sadness.

          Silence in tears.
                        Sound in sobs.

                                                Not bad though.
              Not injurious.

Poignant is heartbreaking.
Enduring is suffering.

Sadness is stagnant?
Sadness is unwinding?
Sadness is backpedaling?

Maybe.

Not always.

Sadness fluctuates.
It changes as much as I do.
I think that's why is hurts so much.
Constantly getting used to something new.
Someone new.
Somehow new.
It doesn't settle in us.
Numb pain does.

Absence is dangerous.

Just like cold.
Just like dark.
Just like silence.

Numb pain is absence.

But.

                                            Sadness is inner conversation.
                            Sadness is subtly luminous.
              Sadness is new noise.
Sadness is recognition of absence.

Not absence.
                                                     
                                                       Recognition.
                                                                                                               

                                                                     


                                                                                                                                     Sadness is strange.

Something Different - Relief and Restitution

So I'm gonna do something different. I want to be part of the goodness that is on the internet. There isn't just filth and time-wasting going on here but I want to bring those powerful things that are so important to me. Might as well start today. I'll be including various papers I have written on a multitude of subjects in a hope that I can bring some light into a darkening world.

Relief and Restitution

            The Book of Mormon helps expound upon many truths in the Bible and probably the most important is the power of the infinite healing power of the atonement. I love the verses expressed by Alma the Younger to the people of Gideon in Alma 7:11-13. Due to their striving “in the paths of righteousness” and “keeping his paths straight” (Alma 7:19), Alma is allowed to preach many wondrous things about the Savior’s life and ministry. He includes Christ’s mother’s name, Mary, the unique role of faith, hope and charity in living a righteous life and as a distinctly important message, the vast number of things that the Atonement covers on our behalf. These verses express how Christ not only redeemed us from our sins through His Atonement but also experienced all of our human weakness: from “sicknesses” and “pains” to loneliness and “death” so he could “succor his people” and completely understand each and every one of us individually. Our Father in Heaven created us and loved us; He loves us. His gift to us in our hardest times and in our greatest joys, He sent our Elder Brother to sooth us and heal us of our physical and spiritual wounds through the Atonement and the Resurrection. Our Lord Jesus Christ is the Savior of the World and the Healer of our hearts. This wonderful piece of doctrine that “the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon himself the sins of his people. . .[to] blot out their transgressions” (Alma 7:13), is of extreme importance to us struggling through our mortal probation. A scripture train that helps relate the infinite degrees of the atonement includes Alma 7:11-13, Mosiah 3:5-7, 3 Nephi 17:7-10, Mosiah 14:3-5, 2 Nephi 16:9-10, 3 Nephi 9 13-14,20-22, 1 Nephi 21:15-16, Mosiah 5:2, Revelation 21:4,Matt 25:21.

            The passage in Mosiah 3:5-7 again details Jesus Christ as a Healer. One who would make “mighty miracles” in healing physical defects of all kinds even unto “raising the dead” and “cast[ing] out . . .evil spirits [from] the hearts of the children of men.” In verse 7 however the focus shifts to describing the heightened humanity of the Savior. He, like all those of humankind before and after him, would “suffer temptations . . .pain . . .hunger, thirst, and fatigue”. He displayed this compassion towards men again when he visited the Nephites in the Americas in 3 Nephi 17:7-10.  Christ asked the people if they had persons “that are afflicted in any manner” . . . “for I see that your faith is sufficient that I should heal you”. “And [after] he did heal them every one . . . [the multitude] both they who had been healed and they who were whole, bow down at his feet, and did worship him”. This shows some very important principles: we must be willing to come unto Christ, have faith to be healed by knowing that He can heal any wounds we may have, spiritual or physical. Russell M. Ballard said,

“The sequence of His pattern is significant. Faith, repentance, baptism, a testimony, and enduring conversion lead to the healing power of the Lord . . .[This and a] willingness to serve and strengthen others stands as a symbol of one’s readiness to be healed.”

No matter how big and no matter how small, our Lord Jesus Christ will ransom us from both our pains and our sins if we are willing to be endure well inn righteousness.

We also take great comfort in the fact that Christ was indeed a Man; one of flesh and bone brought forth by his mortal mother, Mary, so He could empathize with us in all our human frailties. In the case of the Atonement in Gethsemane, He experienced every aspect of being human at once “even more than man can suffer [without having a divine Father] . . .so great shall his anguish be [from] the wickedness and abominations of his people.” (Mosiah 3:7) Mosiah 14:3-5 continues to describe the Lord’s willful suffering on our behalf telling of how “he has bourne our griefs . . .carried our sorrows . . . was wounded for our transgressions . . .bruised for our iniquities . . .and with his stripes we are healed.” In True to the Faith: A Gospel Reference we read that

“through [our] faith and righteousness and through His atoning sacrifice, all the inequities, injuries, and pains of this life can be fully compensated for and made right . . .although He may not relieve all your sufferings now, He will bless you with comfort and understanding and with strength to ‘bear up your burdens with ease’ (Mosiah 24:15)” (20).

Christ knows our struggles and more importantly, he knows us better than we do; He suffered our pains and our sins almost two thousand of years before we were even born. Elder Jeffrey R. Holland spoke of those agonizing moments that were completely for us in this manner; to complete His Son’s sacrifice,

“the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. It was required, indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind--us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins [for the first time in His entire existence the Lord Jesus Christ experienced a spiritual death; having] the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.”

A more powerful act of love and devotion cannot be found anywhere in all of human history or perhaps all of our eternal history. For me, a perfect Man sweat blood from every pore, for me an Eternal God descended below all men with “my burden gladly bearing, He bled and died to take away my sin” that I might live with Him and my Father in Heaven again: all my songs, prayers and words of thanks the world can never be enough to express my gratitude for my Savior’s sacrifice. Indeed, sometimes it is very difficult to keep an eternal perspective in our mortal probation when our trials weigh on us continually it sometimes seems to be no way out of our situation. When “we are alone or feel alone or, worse yet, feel abandoned” Elder Holland gives consolation “that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, we do not have to do so . . . Truly the Redeemer of us all said: “I will not leave you comfortless: [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].” This is one of the most important things to always remember, in good times or bad; Our Lord God and Elder Brother, Jesus Christ will never forget me nor any of the children of the Earth for “behold, [He] has graven [me] upon the palms of [His] hands” (1 Nephi 21:15-16).

The Atonement is nothing but a lost cause for us if we are not willing to receive it. Would we really forget our Lord and Savior in our petty pride? Would we have allowed “God the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain . . . and to suffer both body and spirit” only for His message to fall on deaf ears and cold hearts and to be left to “suffer even as [He did]” (D&C 19:16-19)? In 2 Nephi 16:9-10, He pleads for us to be humble and teachable and to “see with [our] eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their heart and be converted and be healed.” This pleading is repeated in 3 Nephi 9:13-14, 20-22, to come to Him and repent of our sins, “for such [He hath] laid down my life, and have taken it up again”, and with “a broken heart and a contrite spirit”, we can be saved and healed of all our wounds. When everything seems hedged against us or we feel like we cannot be worthy of such an eternal sacrifice, we must always remember the words of Elder Nelson,

“When sore trials come upon us, its time to deepen our faith in God, to work hard, and to serve others. Then He will heal our broken hearts. He will bestow upon us personal peace and comfort. Those great gifts will not be destroyed, even by death. (italics added)”

We must have faith that when we have done all we can do, “God will wipe away all tears from [our] eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things [will pass] away” (Rev 21:4).

            God, our Father, and Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer, both eternal in their capacities for love and understanding, provided the Atonement as a part of the Plan of Happiness so that we, as humble children of God, can stumble in life and go through all the trials life can bring and still return to their presence if we are will to accept and live the gospel. It is our duty and responsibility to take the fullest advantage of the Atonement (or At-One-ment) so that we can be healed of our spiritual wounds from both sin and trials and come to God. There is no other way. With the Book of Mormon and living prophets today, we have all the tools and guidance necessary to make it back to our eternal home, after all our effort and our trust set completely in God, and to hear from the Father we have served, “well done thou good and faithful servant” (Matt 25:21)        

Works Cited

First Presidency. True to the Faith: A Gospel Reference. Salt Lake City, UT: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2004. Print.

Holland, Elder Jeffrey R. "None Were with Him." Ensign May 2009: 86-88. LDS.org. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, May 2009. Web. 30 Sept. 2010.

"Jesus Blesses the Nephite Children." Sofia's Christmas Ideas. Web. 30 Sept. 2010. <http://sofiaschristmasideas.blogspot.com/>.

Nelson, Elder Russell M. "Jesus Christ---the Master Healer." Liahona Nov. 2005: 85-88. LDS.org. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. Web. 30 Sept. 2010.

"Simon Dewey Religious Fine Art On Jesus Christ,Living Water." Fortune Art Gallery. Web. 30 Sept. 2010. <http://www.fortuneart.net/store/SD_O_My_Father.htm>.

"With Faith In Every Footstep Along The Mission Road ~ A Father's Testimony." Dan     Fogelberg ~ Ever On ~ Web Site / Fan Forum. Web. 01 Oct. 2010. <http://everon.info/testimony/>.

There's Something About Chirstmas

There's something about Christmas.

Red and green.
Silver and gold.
Hope and good cheer.
Home and home away form home.
Resting with no sleep.
Eating when full as can be.
Loved ones far and near.
Hearts full and happy.
Hearts missing others.
Smiling to hear those we miss most.
Thoughtful presents and last minute ones too.
Grinches and Scrooges.
Scott Calvin and George Bailey.
Stockings and gifts.
Chocolate and turkey.
Nativities and hymns.
The Gift.
The Son.
The Light.
The Life.
The Reason.
My hope. My life. My light. My reason.

"Oh come all ye faithful,
Joyful and triumphant,
O come ye, O come ye to Bethlehem
Come and behold him!
Born the King of Angels
O come let us adore him
Christ the Lord"

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Consecration

My talk form this last week in church. Really great opportunity to look into consecration especially at this wonderful giving time of year. Merry Christmas!

Good morning everyone my name is Emma Luthi for those of you who don’t know me. I’m a Humanities major here at BYU with an emphasis in English and a minor in Editing. I’ve been in this ward since April and have loved every minute of it. We are so blessed to have so many wonderful people here who work so hard and are such wonderful examples of Christlike charity, service and love. We have a superb bishop and bishopric who loves each one of us and desires nothing better than for all the blessings of heaven and earth to be ours and will council us with us on how to get there. Be careful getting to know them too well though, because if you do, Bishop might call you out TWICE in sacrament meeting for ACCIDENTALLY missing tithing settlement. They can also call you to give a talk even when you had given one over the summer. In other words, you are NEVER safe. But we love them anyways.

We’ve been blessed to hear some wonderful talks about tithing and fast offerings and how it blesses our lives. The topic I was given is a natural extension of these but that I know, for me, can be more difficult to understand and a times more difficult to enact. Consecration. Now the law of consecration is not one the Lord is requiring us to live at this time and we are instead preparing ourselves for the law of consecration with the laws of tithing and fast offerings. This preparation is very necessary and follows our Father’s pattern of teaching his children, For he will give unto the faithful line upon line, precept upon precept; and [our Father] will try [us] and prove [us] herewith.” Through tithing and fast offerings, we are asked to give a portion of our income back to the Lord’s church for the furthering of his work on the Earth.We are asked to sacrifice of ourselves for the glory of our Father’s kingdom - feeding the poor, clothing the naked, providing funds for temple and other church buildings, missionary work. But, the thing that is most interesting thing to me about the principle of consecration- of voluntarily dedicating our “time, talents, and material wealth to the establishment and building up of God’s kingdom.”- is that the Lord ASKS us. It is not automatic or something that is in any way easy but the Lord ASKS this of us.

Elder Bruce R. McConkie said, “We are not always called upon to live the whole law of consecration and give all of our time, talents, and means to the building up of the Lord’s earthly kingdom. Few of us are called upon to sacrifice much of what we possess, and at the moment there is only an occasional martyr in the cause of revealed religion.

But what the scriptural account means is that to gain celestial salvation we must be able to live these laws to the full if we are called upon to do so. Implicit in this is the reality that we must in fact live them to the extent we are called upon so to do.

How, for instance, can we establish our ability to live the full law of consecration if we do not in fact pay an honest tithing? Or how can we prove our willingness to sacrifice all things, if need be, if we do not make the small sacrifices of time and toil, or of money and means, that we are now asked to make?”

As college students, it is really easy to focus on all the things that we don’t have. We don’t have enough money at this time to buy the things we want to, to keep our thermostat at a higher, more comfortable temperature but the Lord stills asks to give our means, however small, which is sometimes is money we don’t have, to the Lord and to trust that he will provide. The Lord asks us to do it. We are not compelled to do it, which can make it all the more difficult to do. It is OUR choice on what we are willing to give back to the Lord. The law of consecration then goes a step further and asks for us to be willing to give up everything he has blessed us with and more. Becoming completely converted to the Lord means continually working, and striving, and reaching and hoping and praying on our part for “the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which [will] wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.” We sacrifice our former selves - our sins, our pride, our judgments, our spite, our anger, anger at others for the ease they seem to have in their lives, anger at ourselves for our shortcomings and the disappointments these shortcomings cause. We put it on the altar of the Lord and consecrate our new selves to the Lord. A life of service to our brothers and sisters, time spent bringing ourselves and our friends and families closer to Jesus Christ, our hope strong and our minds dedicated to the one cause that elevates us all to the eternal light and joy of the Kingdom of God. This doesn’t mean that our lives will be easy. On the contrary, it can make life that much harder.

Elder Neal A. Maxwell said, “As one’s will is increasingly submissive to the will of God, he can receive inspiration and revelation so much needed to help meet the trials of life. In the trying and very defining Isaac episode, faithful Abraham “staggered not … through unbelief” (Rom. 4:20). Of that episode John Taylor observed that “nothing but the spirit of revelation could have given him this confidence, and … sustained him under these peculiar circumstances” (in Journal of Discourses, 14:361). Will we too trust the Lord amid a perplexing trial for which we have no easy explanation? Do we understand—really comprehend—that Jesus knows and understands when we are stressed and perplexed?”

Our Savior was the ultimate example of what it means to live a consecrated life, showing us in every way, the best way to come and live with our Father in Heaven again. One of my very favorite scriptures comes in Luke 4:16-21 wherein Jesus describes his mission by quoting the words of Isaiah. “And he came to Nazareth, where he had been brought up: and, as his custom was, he went into the synagogue on the sabbath day, and stood up for to read. And there was delivered unto him the book of the prophet Esaias. And when he had opened the book, he found the place where it was written, The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, To preach the acceptable year of the Lord. And he closed the book, and he gave it again to the minister, and sat down. And the eyes of all them that were in the synagogue were fastened on him. And he began to say unto them, This day is this scripture fulfilled in your ears.” The thing I love most about this passage of scripture is that from the beginning of his ministry, our Elder Brother Jesus Christ knew exactly what the Father needed him to do and accomplished it as He “went about doing good”. Now even after Christ had lived his life, in perfect harmony with all gospel principles, our Father needed more. Every single thing Christ had learned in his life came down to a decision on bended knee in a quiet garden two thousand years ago. When pain was imminent and sorrow all consuming, our Lord said those powerful and humble words that have echoed through eternity “nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.” Alma described the following time as “And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people. And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. Now the Spirit knoweth all things; nevertheless the Son of God suffereth according to the flesh that he might take upon him the sins of his people, that he might blot out their transgressions according to the power of his deliverance.” Christ’s infinite and all powerful atonement was and is for us - He is the healer of our Hearts. The mender of our broken spirits. The redeemer of our lost souls. His life and his death was consecrated for us.

Elder Maxwell said, “The complete consecration which effected the Atonement ensured Jesus’ perfect empathy; He felt our very pains and afflictions before we did and knows how to succor us (see Alma 7:11–12; 2 Ne. 9:21). Since the Most Innocent suffered the most, our own cries of “Why?” cannot match His. But we can utter the same submissive word “nevertheless …” (Matt. 26:39).” He gaeve us the ultimate example now we have the choice whether to follow it. Elder Maxwell continued, “The submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. The many other things we “give,” brothers and sisters, are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us. However, when you and I finally submit ourselves, by letting our individual wills be swallowed up in God’s will, then we are really giving something to Him! It is the only possession which is truly ours to give! Consecration thus constitutes the only unconditional surrender which is also a total victory!” 

We have victory through him that redeemed us. We can consecrate our lives through living the gospel. By following our Elder Brother's example we can walk through this life, however dark the way or broken the path is, dedicating not only everything we have but everything we are and hope to be to the Lord -- the Lord can then pull us up form whatever we are struggling with and mold us into the people He knows we can become. Our Father is totally invested in us and the question we must ask ourselves is how invested we are in the cause of the Lord? In the cause of our salvation and the salvation of our friends and family? Are we willing to consecrate all? Are you?

Weariness

Falling from the standards of continual change in
Thousands of shades of amber, rust and burgundy to
Lose living and regain the earth being
Stripped away bare after being
                  full and
                              fresh so
Weak and penetrable with gaps coming between
Wings of feathered emerald and
Things ascend and shatter and
Descend to scour the raggedness of
The exterior until
                            frost and
Chill are the closest of companions with the
Blackness punctured by brilliance that
Stripped wings frame in glorious torturous
Separation to reach higher and diminish into
Renewal with hopes for ascension as a part of
Enduring glimpses of immutable execellence in
Prayers for relief from
                                   failing and
                   falling when
Warm breath stirs shades into powers of
Growth with hopeful beams of
Strength in enlivening transformation to
Supersede the weariness of change to
Continue in all powerful love,
                            As the greatest of equalizers and
                   The most electrifying of spirit and
         The greatest of risks to cure the despondency of
Imperfection and ultimately lift into the blazing stars.

Perfection

So in my various wanderings through the UK and the rest of Europe, I was inspired by so many different things. In the countryside of the UK and then in the hearts of the ancient cities of Italy, I saw so many beautiful rocks (granite and marble especially) covered with greenery but they looked like they were struggling so hard to pierce through their covers to be seen. Huge slabs of unformed rock just waiting. This is what came of those thoughts. A poem of sorts...?

I am white, cool, rugged and supple. I glisten and spark, day and night, rain and shine.

I am steadfastly stuck in a space apart from my brothers since the first chisel chipped away the ruin to see my light. The unworthy stone was discarded and I remained, unworthy to be broken or sliced or carved. 

My brothers are shown to be exceptional, beautiful and are shaped into their true selves. The shape, the movement, the creature that has been captive within a rectangular prism of icicle dust and will be brought to light by caring, cutting, cooling hands. 

Not I. 

Too many have passed me over. Too many have examined me from every angle and decided that I was too good to be good enough. I give light rather then reflect it. Wouldn't I make a spectacular Pieta? Wouldn't I make an astonishing Kiss? Wouldn't I shine to create a work glorious and joyous in it's silent stoic presence? 

But no. 

I feel no hint of a chisel. I feel no wisps of breath from an anxious sculptor. Closed. Obstructed. Unsure. 

I will not be seen because they all see too much. Can I break into a new, stupefying, miraculous . . . something? I need someone to see something other than perfection. I need someone to see my captive self. I need someone to break me from my prison of light, white, ice. I am apprehended by the beauty they see and by the potential I do not meet. I can't do more.

There is no enjoyment in this unformed stasis. 

I am one of the most enduring of substances but I cannot be relied upon to be patient. Patience is waiting with hope. What hope have I? I stay and everything changes. Will there be no change for me? Time changes. I wait. Time weathers. I corrode. Time breaks. I disintegrate. 

I am white and cool. I glisten, I spark. 

I am dust. 

And dust,                                   

                          blows,                      

                                                 away.   

Which is mine?

Which is mine?

I stand on the brink

Between left or right

Night or day

Friend or foe

Love or hate

Joys or woes

Which is mine?

I fall paralyzed 

Between northeast and northwest

Dawn or twilight

Acquaintance or opponent

Tolerance or aversion

Comforts or burdens

Which is mine?

 I flip, spinning round

Two sides of the coin

One heads

One tails

50/50

Which is better?

Which is worse?

Which is black?

Which is white?

Which is mine?

I stare at the crossroads

The hardest path to find

Each difficult

Each rewarding

50/50

Which happiness?

Which struggle?

Which goodness?

Which sorrows?

Which life?

Which is mine?

The choice is mine.